Tuesday, 6 October 2009

after a blogspot hiatus, I return...

What has been happening since the last time I updated...

I have had almost a full month back at sixth form. I am feeling very stressed about a horrible History essay I have to write by next Friday. -shudder- it is not a nice essay. :( gah. I also have a correlation study to write up for Psychology.

I've been madly drafting and redrafting my personal statement. I hope to finish my application by October half term, personal deadline; scary much? I think so. The thought of going to uni next September and the thought of interviews scare me. I am so shy it's untrue and I will fail at interviews. :(

I have just ordered my provisional driving licence, got to send the photo and ID in the post but apart from that, I'm done. Which is exciting because everyone around me is having lessons and passing tests and I haven't even had a lesson yet. But I was only 17 nearly two months ago. hmm, I want to drive! I wish it didn't cost so much.

I have a ton of resits to do in January, I have five or six exams in total including this year's A2 ones. ahhh! :/

Anyway, I am shattered now and have a horrible cold and am going to seek refuge in my bed. goodnight xxxxxxx

Monday, 14 September 2009

long time no post...

I have had my entire summer holiday. Now, I am back to sixth form. I have done one week and a day of work experience, I have been to Yorkshire for a week and a half, I have turned seventeen. I have been doing lots of reading and a little writing over the summer, R/S, a little tiny bit of poetry.

I am waiting for Muse's new album to come tomorrow (I wanted it today, because it's my brother's birthday tomorrow and I bought it for him and I wanted to wrap it today so we could both listen tomorrow morning).

I've been applying for part-time jobs in the last few days too. Accessorize, Card Factory, Card Party and Cooks (bakery). Hope to hear back from them soon, especially Accessorize ♥

& now I leave you with a little bit of poetry:

Ssh, please
be quiet this moment; I hear
a noise, something, in our periphery. A

song, familiar as you are to me. Let me
listen; I know this one. A teasing
string of words, mocking. I tried to
forget these feelings: please

come home.

much love to you all xxx

Monday, 27 July 2009

prompt poetry & prose

1. A stain on the wasteland;

guess you'd call him a
jock, if you were that sort.
a stereotype.
All I know is he was a damned good sportsman,
you name it. He'd give it a shot.

Charlie. Charlie MacPherson.
He was my brother, you know. I wrote that
on the card amongst the flowers left at the park side.
Desolate just like his last snatch of sight around him.

I thought he was popular. He was. I knew
it. But then he was gone. Nineteen years and then,
the end. Ceased to exist one day.

killed him.

What kills me is that no one knows who
the hell took him away. Not even me. All they left
was just a stain on the wasteland.


4. There was something wrong with the colours;

It was all she'd ever known. She realised she was like the Emilia Fox's of this world... just one of many in the family known for a certain sort of profession. No, she thought with a sigh and a smile, there was nothing for it; Alexa Johnson was to be an artist.

It was all she could remember. Her seventh birthday – the year simply all the little girls were inseparable from their Polly Pockets and other such delights. Alexa had opened her presents - “careful, darling!” - bit by bit, slowly peeling the tape away. Her first grown up artist's set. An easel. Canvas. Alexa's heart leapt – her daddy would be so proud of her when she used it.

Now she had been on this earth nineteen years – and four months and thirteen days, if you were the precise sort, and she was indeed, as she'd always known she would be, at an esteemed arts college.

She turned her attention back to her subject and her easel. Alexa didn't think there was much greater joy than being able to capture a person, their personality and the circumstance in which the subject was being drawn. She sighed. Something was wrong this time. She couldn't put her finger on the exact pinpointed aspect that needed to be worked on.

Personality. Check, plenty of that. Perspective. Seemed fine to Alexa.

She brushed a stray piece of hair from her eyes, leaving a light smattering of paint in her finger's wake. She glanced up at the subject once more, biting her lip and then back to her easel again. The colour didn't look... realistic? No, she didn't think that was the word. More... dull and dark. The colours didn't do what they were meant to do in a painting; bring out the subject and provoke imagination.

She knew what she needed to do now, the finish was in sight.

“There was something wrong with the colours,” Alexa thought to herself as she, once again, put her brush to the canvas.


5. A Boy Wearing Red and Green;

I have a vague recollection, flashes of memory. My mother told me I once had a friend by the name of Timothy. I've seen the photographs but I don't really remember.

I know he moved away. Far away, or so I thought anyway. I was so convinced he had moved to America or Australia or some other place across the world from my garden patio and my blue sandpit. As it turned out, he had only moved to Devon. Still, I guess a child's mind works that way. Exaggerated sizes and distances, you know.

All I do remember, distantly in a flash of colours and pictures, is a boy wearing red and green.

Wednesday, 22 July 2009

incredible fun :)

Been on work experience at the hospital the past two & a half days. I was in the geriatric ward yesterday which was interesting.

Today I have had a bad headache and a bit of temperature but I've been to my grandparents, to Matalan and to the final morning of work experience. I feel a little better now, which is good.


Monday evening I went for pizza with Ree and Caz and Em, which was brilliant! The waitress who matched us in craziness and humour. Kudos. :D And Martin the monkey. :D

I do indeed love these people -points down- <3

Friday, 17 July 2009

apologies for lack of posts recently!

Grandad-wise, he's not having his operation until mid-August now. Something to do with staff holidays and waiting lists or something.

Been on work experience this week in the doctor's, shadowing nurses, doing admin stuff & the baby clinic too. it's been brilliant & I didn't want to leave Friday!! Got three days in the hospital next week, should be good.

& Ree and Caz are coming Monday, going for pizza with them in the evening after work experience (it is not amusing that I now have to do work experience instead of spending the whole day with them!!).

Upton Blues festival this weekend. We were a) going to sit on my dad's friend's boat for a bit on the river next to it and b) have a BBQ. however, it has rained a lot and the river there is very prone to flooding. so high that there is a mark on one of the riverside pubs' walls to show how high the water came up when it completely wrecked the place two years ago in the July 07 floods. And the BBQ is not happening in the rain. hmm.

Apart from that, not a lot is happening. Summer is here, or the holidays are at least, not sure about the weather! Em and I are going to the Bullring on the 29th (for her birthday on 30th), I'm going to Yorkshire on 30th July to 11th August, then hopefully [eeee!] going to see We Will Rock You in Birmingham at the Hippodrome for my birthday on the 12th! :D

Monday, 6 July 2009

Slight change of plan...

So, apparently my grandad's operation (whatever it will be) is not Friday, it may be next week now because someone of higher priority got his slot. The anaesthetist has still got to see his results anyhow before they get the go ahead.

Torchwood was bloody amazing! Had a Snow Patrol!fest, was very gutted about Zane Lowe not playing the new Muse track, but that just made my night. And I'm sure it will make the nights of the rest of this week also lol! :D

Have a pointless day ahead of me, two lessons and then none from ten past 11 to ten past 3, when I have my most-hated lesson, Chemistry. Ah, at least I have only three more lessons to go and counting.

summer days :)

It is very nearly summer (as in holidays, 7 long stretching weeks of freedom! :P), and this makes me insanely happy.

I have a very nice little (well I say little...) pile of books to read this summer. At the moment, it is 'Three Men In A Boat' by Jerome K Jerome. I was also rereading My Sister's Keeper but then I lent it to my friend when I had halfway through it (we'd just seen the film -sob-), thinking I can get a copy out of the college library. It's been on the shelf there for months on end and the one day I go in there to get it, it's not there anymore! :o not amused really.

& I'd just like to say, muchos hugs to Katie for being a fantastic person & to tell her not to hide away under her duvet because things shall get better and there are good things aussi. Like Muse, hehe. <3 And Snow Patrol too <3

Muse on the radio tonight (hopefully!), University Challenge restarting (yes, I'm an addict :P), and Torchwood's new series starts tonight. And cold pork for dinner, yum. I think things are looking up (yes, I'm trying not to think about Friday).

Monday, 29 June 2009

My grandad's got to have a cardiovascular scan of some sort tomorrow, and his operation is 10th July (he's got to go in on 9th July). I'm guessing as he's 70-something with all the other health problems like emphysema he'll be in hospital for quite a bit, maybe 10 days plus. Only vaguely positive thing is that it's at our local hospital so we can visit more easily.

Apart from the grandad front, everything's good. Got this week off because of year 10 and 11 induction/visit days etc. A little cruel as we have a week off then we have to go back for a week before summer :P

Had a lovely weekend, was on a Red Cross duty Saturday at a mini teenage music fest in a local park. Loads of amazing local bands/singers playing, some of whom I knew. And it was beautifully sunny all weekend as well. Sunday, went to Upton jazz festival in the afternoon. Met one of Dad's IT customer people, really nice guy and his wife and two kids. Lovely day in the sun, played two games of pool (YES I WON ONE :D), had a gorgeous pork bap and some chips with tomato ketchup on... hmm. Upton Blues festival's 17/18/19th July. Always the best festival and hopefully we'll meet up with my dad's friend and his family again, this time they're going to bring their boat too <3

Got a lot of stuff to look forward to also! Got work experience at a doctor's surgery 13th-17th July, Ree and Caz are coming to Worcester on 20th July [eeep so excited], might have some more work experience at the local hospital that week too. Going to Birmingham shopping with my best friend, Em on 29th July (we were going on her actual birthday, the day after, but my parents decided we were going on holiday on the 30th instead!).

Sunday, 21 June 2009

So in the next three weeks, my grandad will have to have something done about this aneurysm. He's got to have further tests, an appointment with the consultant anaesthetist (to see exactly how huge the risk will be of an operation) and possibly with some other consultant before the operation even goes ahead.

I'm scared he'll die. But I know if he doesn't have something done, it could burst or whatever at any time and then he's got no chance.

Other things... I've been to Birmingham City uni (yesterday - and to the Bullring too) and Worcester uni (today). I really do like Worcester, seriously considering staying home now, it'd be cheaper for one which is always a good thing.

Also been to Alcester folk festival this afternoon. Sitting in the pub garden with a burger and a few glasses of coke & lemon slices, with my immediate family and two family friends (damn, they're family for sure!) who mean everything to me. Then we went back to theirs for a cup of tea and I had some gorgeous Carte D'Or (Crema Di Marscapone) ice-cream at theirs too mmm. yes. :D

apart from that, I'm vair excited as Ree texted me and said she's booked tickets for Worcester on 20th July. eeek, fun times to come.

Thursday, 11 June 2009

My grandad had his results yesterday. Apparently they called him in not so much because of the aneurysm (which has grown slightly) but because there's some flap thing around his heart that's letting blood where it's not meant to be. And on the scan he had last week, they couldn't tell much about what said flap was, etc, so today he had to have a CT scan. He's getting results next week, my dad's taking him to our local hospital.

Went to Bristol UWE open day yesterday. I absolutely ADORE it, it's so lovely and friendly there and the campus is beautiful. <3 Also went to our little higher education evening thing last night (pouring rain, Mum tripped and half the leaflets etc fell out into a puddle. We laughed, a lot.). Got a prospectus for Swansea, which looked quite lovely and practical in terms of placement hospitals near campus. Don't think my dad wants to drive me to Swansea for the open day though, haha. Got a leaflet about volunteering at the children's hospice too.

On the subject of volunteering and open days still, got to go to Keele on Sunday for the open day, and have two first aid duties soon with the Red Cross; one on 18th July and the other on 27th. Should be good! :D

So that's about it for the last few days to be honest!

Monday, 8 June 2009

just very excited listening to you now on the radio! I want your accent :P

anyway. happy happy happy, exams are OVER. none until January! And it went well too. ohyesss!

Sunday, 7 June 2009

worry worry worry

About a lot of things.

Tomorrow is my last AS exam, the second History exam which is on anti-semitism in Nazi Germany. Last week (Tuesday) I had the first one on Russia and Germany 1871-1914. I am pretty sure I failed; my mind went blank, timing went to pot and I wrote the same for a 12 mark question as I did for a 24 mark question (three quarters of a side). Chemistry went alright and Biology I thought went good. But I don't want to fail History, because then I cannot take it next year. I cannot bear the thought of doing Chemistry next year even if I get an A which is not going to happen. My parents want me to but I can't cope with having to do another year of that dreaded, damned horrible subject! I'm worried that I will fail History completely and then do badly on Chemistry like I'm sure I will, and then mess up my chances of going to uni to do Nursing as I want to do so badly.

The other thing I'm very, very worried about is my grandad. Not so long ago (about four/five months tops) he went to the doctors and had a scan. They found an aortic aneurysm but it wasn't large or serious enough to have serious concern about. He has to have regular scans now to keep tabs on it and he had one of those last week. We were round there on Saturday and they'd had a phonecall within 48 hours (which is unusual) from my local hospital (they live half an hour away and it's not their local hospital, which was another unusual thing) saying come in Wednesday lunchtime for the results. My granny is very worried (to the extent she felt ill) and my grandad said he wouldn't be surprised if he was in hospital by next weekend. My parents (from talking to my mum afterwards about it) both think it's unlikely it's just the hospital being efficient for once, although they did say it could be that to my grandparents to reassure them. Thing is, they have to weigh up the risk. My grandad is 73 (I'm pretty sure) and he has emphysema and diabetes, yet he still smokes a lot. His breathing is awful and if they have to operate on this, the anaesthetic and whatever might kill him. However if they don't do anything, I don't know what will happen either, it's probably risky too. My dad said himself it's not a good situation to be in. :( So I'm really, really scared of losing my grandad as well :(


So I decided to make this blog. My parents blocked LJ on my computer and I mourn it in huge amounts, but I wanted somewhere to talk about stuff like I used to over there, so here it is.